A Dream of Loss

My wife took our one year old granddaughter to Mother’s Day out which she had recently started, joining her older sister, who enjoys her “school”. Upon her return, she remarked, “Ezra threw a crying fit when I dropped her off at daycare.” I imagined the scenario, as we have several young grandchildren and they can be very boisterous on occasion, but it seems to me Ezra seldom cries without a good reason.

I woke this morning from a dream of crying myself, as an adult, with great passion in public, uncontrollably dropping to the ground with loud sobs, falling next to a teen girl who was laying nearby. My outburst was not sudden in coming, but had built up as a brick wall with courses one upon another, though to every observer it must have seemed instantaneous. This is often the way with emotions that are hidden deep within, founded on beliefs, fears, wants, needs and desires. 

I was mourning the loss of my dear friend. Over the years we had shared many precious times of real fellowship. To the public it would appear as two people chatting or resting from their walk, bike ride, tennis game or other activity, but fellowship is much more than conversation. It is an affiliation among friends who share a common interest and with Believer’s that interest is the supreme person in all the Universe, Yeshua, Messiah. Nevertheless, my dream was different, we were in a strange venue playing tennis, surrounded by a crowd of strangers. The match was disrupted frequently by my poor play, chasing balls hit awry. Eventually, we just quit because the game could not proceed as other people kept interfering upon our court. I found myself alone being introduced to a new member of the tennis club. He expressed his preference of golf over tennis and talked subtlety of his wealth, investments and importance. His last name was Alison, which seemed the only name I could remember. He represented everything I had no interest in or experience with and for that reason, I left him. Where had my friend gone? When I found him he looked different, seeming taller with hair that disguised his normal features. He was talking about this club which he had acquired, but had determined to sell, as it was not to his liking. He informed me that he was moving his residence to a distant state and would no longer be available for tennis or anything. 

The entire morning had been a frustrating time of interruptions and distraction, now my true friend seemed aloof and was deserting me forever. I don’t have enough friends, let alone true compatriots, to lose even one. Then, without further words or actions, I dropped, crying with tears like a baby mourning the loss I felt so sharply. I would have been embarrassed if I could see myself, but this loss swept away all concern for decorum or even social graces. What lies deep within the heart is most valuable and of the highest priority when it is ransacked, though it is hidden, invisible and indescribable. Such losses are felt like a knockout punch that sends you to the ground. I gave full vent to my cries, but eventually came back to the reality around me.

When I gathered the pieces of my broken heart, I realized I was laying upon another person and rose to my feet. She was a petite girl, unharmed though I had laid upon her, but she was unconscious. Others quickly gathered, checking her signs of life, and called for emergency assistance. She was taken away for help and it looked as though she would be OK. Some remarked it was good that I had discovered her unconscious state, as she appeared to be just sleeping. Sovereignty or providence, if you prefer, had ended my pain in another’s salvation. Had I experienced the same emotional response that my little Ezra had felt as she was deserted at school? Was this dream a mental processing of things that cannot be rationalized, understood or seen in the conscious natural realm? Does the Supreme person over all the Universe care for the contents of each heart of those whom He has adopted into His family? You can decide, perhaps it may require a dream.

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